There are a lot of things that are out of our control and sometimes you've just got to ride them out, but certain things we can control, yet we choose not to. In hopes of helping someone else out there who is exactly like I was, who despises the world and everything in it, here are three very simple ways that you may be sabotaging your own happiness without even knowing it.
Talking badly about people.
When I think back to younger me, who would always search for the flaws in the people I was jealous of, I shudder. I thought that seeing those things, seeing those cracks within their otherwise perfect being, would make me feel better about myself, and it never, ever did. I would either compare those flaws to my own, or I would wonder why that person was liked more than I was when they were so obviously flawed, and it was all horrible. It was toxic and time wasting and not how I wish I had spent my high school years, and I feel just as bad whenever someone picks on another person's flaws.
To the person saying it, it's just a simple comment about someone's hair or clothes, but it ends up being so much more than that. You are training your mind to look for the negative things in life, and to judge other people you don't even know for the most trivial things, and that is never, ever going to make you happy. It takes time to change your way of thinking, but once you start training yourself to look for the good parts in everything, the whole world becomes a lot brighter, believe me.
Going out all the time.
By "going out" I mean going to clubs/bars/parties, getting drunk, and feeling full of regret and vomit the next day. I know it seems like going out and having fun will be the solution to all your problems, but more often than not you'll just feel worth afterwards, or even during. One thing I have noticed is that the constant partiers are usually the ones most likely to be depressed and trying to hide their pain, and that's a really heartbreaking thing to realise. Deciding to stop drinking was a fantastic decision for me, and I do not miss it one bit. By the time I decided to stop altogether it was already something I rarely did, but it still wasn't something I enjoyed, or that made me feel any better about myself.
When I started to think about how addictive my personality is and the fact that I grew up with an alcoholic as a parent, I knew I never wanted to drink again - but it's not just drinking that is the issue. As a teenager I was always desperate to go out; to a friend's house, to a park, anywhere just so I didn't have to be at home, and a lot of people are still like that, but avoiding your problems doesn't make them go away. Even once I moved out and it was just Daniel and I, I would still feel incredibly empty whenever I was at home for too long, and at that point I knew that it was a problem within myself, not my surroundings.
So, I worked on myself, I evaluated how I spent my time and what changes I could make to bring more happiness into my life, and now being at home is my favourite thing in the world. Sure, I love going on new adventures and travelling as much as the next person, but I also know how happy being at home makes me, and that's something I never thought I would achieve.
Putting things off.
This goes for both bad things and good things. I will admit right now that I still do this; I put off things I don't want to do, and I put off things I do want to do because I'm "waiting for the right time". Let me tell you, all those motivational quotes you see online are true: NOW is the right time! You want to dye your hair? Start a new hobby? Go on a date? Do it, and do it now. I've been wanting to start a blog since I was 9-years-old and first saw The Perfect Man, and whilst I didn't even have internet back then so I couldn't have if I wanted to, I do wish that I had started a lot sooner than I did. Putting off happiness is a waste of time, and frankly just not common sense.
As for the things you don't want to do, putting them off is certainly not going to make you any happier either. I know you think that not doing it is better than doing it right now because you don't want to and you won't enjoy it, but putting it off and having it linger over your head until you finally crack and give in is even worse. I can't even begin to do something enjoyable like read or write a post if I know there's a pile of dishes in the kitchen, it's almost like they taunt me, so I begin each day (most of the time) by getting the more tedious things out of the way first, such as the washing and tidying up, and then I have the rest of the day to do the more fun things, and I am feeling super relaxed and good about myself for having done the other things first so I'm able to enjoy the good things even more!
I'm not a life coach, or a motivational speaker. I'm not trying to sell you anything, or convince you that how you're living your life is wrong. I am just a girl who once upon a time thought life wasn't living, and is now so head over heels in love with it that she wants to shout it from the rooftops, and I want everyone to feel that way. Life is good, it's just that some of us are yet to realise it - but you can and you will, if you start trying!
Until next time,